New Seasons..

Well..

It is crazy to think that 10 months ago I was holding my fourth baby, Little Evelyn, 6 pound 1 oz.. It is funny I don't remember what the other kids birth weights were, but hers I remember, I remember almost every detail of her birth... I tried to take it all in, so that I could replay it and remember it..

I have been on a journey these last 10 months, its not just been life with a new baby to our family, It has been life of our last new baby in our house, It has been the first of lasts, and I must admit, It has been the most wonderful and heart aching 10 months I have had to go through..

Maybe it will sound silly, But I really have had to soul search and allow myself to cry and deal with the sadness that comes with the knowledge of knowing that I won't have anymore babies.. That there will be a whole new season for me to face in the coming years.. I won't be pregnant again, I won't breastfeed again, I won't bottle feed again, I won't experience that process again..

It has been hard to let go.. because for 6 years, it is all I have known and experienced.. and I some days I am barely breathing and other days I am loving every minute..

Today I packed Evelyn's baby clothing ready to post to a friend who is soon going to have twins, I am so happy to be able to pass onto the clothing.. But its something I have been avoiding for some time.. But I feel ready... I feel ready to pack up those tiny moments, that tiny season, and move on..

Packing away her clothing was really hard today, I honestly cried.. But It was tears of joy and thankfulness, That I got to carry her, birth her and have her in our lives, I am so thankful..

I am still in toddler hood and child hood and I have many seasons ahead of me..

Coming out of this season has been very painful, I have cried many tears, Mostly because maybe I am not 100% ready and I am scared of what is ahead..

Cherish Each moment with your little ones, There are hard days and they can suck, actually they can be really shitty and sometimes you just need to drink some wine and relax on those days! But most of us all have children because we want them, because we yearn for them, because there is something inside of us that needs to share our heart with another one aside from our partners...

When I became a mother, my whole world changed, and it has times 4! and I am truly thankful for each of my children, I am thankful that they are well and cheeky and give me loads of joy and often loads of stress!

Bring on what ever is next :)